heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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