I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
