You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
