I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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