How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
PANTIES FOUND
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