i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
