the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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