I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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