We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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