some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
