So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
