Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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