Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I deserve this hangover.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
