doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
