the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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