He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
