Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
