He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
