..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
