I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
