I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
