sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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