so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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