I think im going to throw up on grandma
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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