it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
