She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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