i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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