Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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