he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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