either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
