Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
