What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
