I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
