What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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