smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
They should really pass out barf bags in church
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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