Sry I called you an 8
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
