I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
