U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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