I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
