I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
