I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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