I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
