Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i don't like sucking hair
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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