What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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