so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
