I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
