K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
