i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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