We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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