Someone shit on the floor
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
