I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
