I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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