My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's blow job season.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
