I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
