Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
