he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
