remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She needs sedatives and a leash
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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