he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
