is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize