And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
