if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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