thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
