Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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