She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
