does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
