Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
