lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
