I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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