I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
