There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
