you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
