If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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